"Hurry up and wait." This is a phrase that I have heard often in the past few years. It can apply to many a different situation, most often I see it applied to wedding planning. I am not planning a wedding but I am beginning to get a comprehensive understanding of the phrase. (Off topic: I will be amazing at planning a wedding when I do. I will literally enjoy planning the wedding more than the actual reception itself. Literally.) Actually, 'beginning' is not the correct word. I am in the midst of, deep in the muck and mire of, understanding the phrase. The only problem is that I have not embraced it. I am at war with it.
For anyone who knows me, I am an organizer and planner. I get giddy about lists. I make lists of lists. I once made a list of 'What to Pack' for my little brother. He was in third grade and we were going to Disney World. I was in fifth grade. It was approximately 2 weeks before we were to leave. Little girls with that kind of personality have so many friends...
The Container Store is my church, Staples is my temple. The more stressed/out of my comfort zone I am, the more organized I am. Except... for the last 3 months. Ever since J found out that he was definitely, most probably, "no I swear the offer is coming your way shortly", "London HR just needs to simply email NYC HR", being transferred to London; my planning skills have seemingly failed me. Most of it is because while this is a huge life shift for us, we are not the ones in control of it. A large multi-national bank is the one in control and they really do NOT seem to care that the person they are transferring across an ocean has a girlfriend with control issues. I think it's a little insensitive of them, frankly.
What I am not good at, is waiting.
I would love for someone to say, "OK, X is happening on this date at this time-go, prepare!" That is totally not what's happening. Everything is much more fluid. Dates change, things don't go as smoothly as you thought or things happen much more quickly than you thought. You rush to prepare for one thing only to wait the next three weeks for it to be completed by others who clearly do not have the same sense of urgency as you do. I've often felt frozen. Feeling that there must be some way to take more control over the situation, and yet unable to figure out how. People asking questions that I myself would love the answers to. It's when 'PANIC AND RUN AWAY' overcomes 'STAY CALM AND CARRY ON'. 'Panic and Run Away' also results in either A.) Over consumption of wine; B.) Crying; or C.) The glorious combination of crying brought on by over consumption of wine.
I've been getting better at 'Stay Calm and Carry On', though. I think that's one thing that this whole experience has taught me. There are times that you just can't plan. Or that planning actually works against you. Sometimes you just need to rely on the fact that you will be able to handle whatever comes your way as it is happening. Or that maybe you need to trust that those surrounding you will take care of the things that they say they will. In giving up a bit of that control, maybe you gain something in return. I don't know what that is. Not yet. But when I figure it out, I'll let you know.
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